Embracing Conflict

Conflict is generally considered a "four”-letter word and something to be avoided.  However, an aversion to conflict may expose a limited understanding of change and change management.

Though this may appear as an oxymoron, conflict is positive. 

I’ve learned that conflict is a powerful tool that when wielded artfully can produce incredible improvement.  I am not suggesting that conflict does not have negative consequences or that conflict doesn't generate negativity, alienation, hostility, and etc.  Rather, I am saying that conflict is something to embrace, leverage, and in many cases create to drive the change necessary to meet or exceed an expected outcome.

The key for conflict to be positive is to first appreciate that seldom is the root cause of conflict fully identified or understood.  The inability to clearly define the issue or problem allows for a coalescing of several loosely or possibly disparate issues into a very daunting situation.  In fact, when this happens, the real issue or cause rarely is addressed.

In a time defined by limited characters, citizen journalists, and instant everything, making time to fully identify and unpack root cause of a conflict is extremely challenging and critical.

Today, conflict is crazy reactionary to symptoms resulting in intense speculation and conjecture as well as reckless oversimplification of complex problems and issues.  Now more than ever, leaders must lead through defining, anticipating, planning, and articulating a thoughtful course of action or process rather than playing to the emotions of the moment.

Truth be known, we live in a time of distrust.  Leaders are not trusted irrespective of the fact that the percentages of those in leadership positions that have violated trust are an extreme minority.  The super majority of leaders albeit in the public or private sector are individuals committed to the highest standards of ethics and doing what is good, right, and true.  Their challenge is they are defined by those who are not. 

So, how do you make conflict positive?

Here are a few points I’ve learned.

·       Define the conflict separating the symptoms from root cause.

·       Seek to understand perspectives as well as the experiences of those involved without judgment or opinion (leveraging conflict requires suspending judgment about all those involved including their motivation).

·       Seek to separate emotional attachments and sentiment from the logical - challenging but also a must.  The art of listening as opposed to just hearing is equally critical.  Validate through acknowledgement the contrarian views or opinions.

·       Constantly and consistently communicate the "what" - the issue as well as "why" it is an issue, "why" it matters as well as "what" is at stake.

·       In a like manner, the "how" or the process being used must be reinforced consistently and constantly - be on alert for unrelated issues being woven into the conflict at hand.  Don't dismiss them but graciously state they will be addressed outside of the moment.

·       Don’t hesitate to report progress or status in a proactive, timely, planned, and routine manner.  Trust individuals and groups with information.  Don't paraphrase.  I’ve learned to use verbatim as much as possible the words being used by those involved. Though time consuming, having others see and hear their own words in empowering as well as illuminating – I will unpack this more next week.

In the conclusion of "conflict as a positive" I will provide a few more insights about process as well as examples of where conflict was authentically and powerfully shifted from a negative to a positive.

My best hopes are that we can individually as well as collectively begin to "think" differently about conflict - stay tuned